This will be quick, to the point, brief, and more concise than this sentence was, because I don't have much time left after it's written.

I am moving.

This is a very difficult move for me.
It is because I am leaving my family, who, for all their faults, I love immensely. I try to give away items or sell them, and I feel guilty and want to cry because they were so sweet to think of me to give me those things. Books, CDs, drawings, etc. The drawings I keep. Some of the books I do. But the ones I don't, it's hard, and hurts.
It hurts because I'm leaving a place I allowed myself to call 'home'. I've never called anywhere 'home', because I knew it was not someplace I could tolerate for more than a few years. Here: this is a home. The people treat others as they think they should, not how they think they can. They do not care much about rules, just do what they have to to get it done - but they'll follow them if they can, or if it's in the community's best interest. They are good people for the most part. Simple, hard working, intelligent, dedicated, and determined.
I am leaving my home. Our home. The one I made this for is not here. Will never be here. Will abandon me if I'm not there. Isn't talking to me anyway. I pissed her off. Don't know what I did that made her this angry, but it's something. From a woman who used to tell me to call her if I wanted to talk: she did - to the woman who can't stand me more than one day at a shot a week apart. I didn't change this much. I just became less self-centered. She made up for my shedding, but damn. I don't get it. Then she says it's out of guilt, but won't say for WHAT. So this is really worrying me.

I've given up my job/s. I've given up my standing, my headway, my networks, all my work. All for this move. And I'm not comforted or supported in it at all.

I waited until the end of the month to take a caravan with my family as a 'one last family road trip'. They left a day early, and told me the day before, as I'm trying to fulfill contracts and other professional obligations. Legally binding ones, at that. No, I'm told it's a day early, then treated like the instigator when I ask them to carry a vinyl record so it won't get heat damaged, because it means a lot to me.

I'm leaving my friends. But these guys will still be around, so I'm not that worried about them.

I'm tired.

I'm hurt.

I'm scared.

And I'm still doing it.

Because of love.

I hate love.

But I do love.