It's been a little while.

not everything in my life is as depressing or exhausting as my recent (if you could call them that) entries. Life has been, for the most part, equally good, and something of a trial, simultaneously. As it always is.

We have a show on Thursday. We haven't been able to practice but once so far. Playing to almost 1000, in a way (they walk around to different music spots...kinda like a big carnival). We went from being the first band signed, to being one of nine. Pretty awesome. There should be a lot of music and people having fun. Those are the best people to play to. worries me we haven't practiced any more than we have, but it should all be gravy. We're pretty good at what we do. We've even played a show that we only practiced twice for, and I learned a new art just four days before. About the same as now. We're pretty talented. just disconnected.

That's nearly forefront on my mind, second only to my relationship with my wife. But I bitch enough about that...so I'll let it pass, and focus on better things. That's what life is, right? Or some sort of rationalizing bullshit we like to call our existence? Yep. That's life.

I am realizing as time passes that I have an uncontrollable love for synthesizers and electronics that make music. It's becoming an obsession...I can easily see myself sacrificing food for these things. The Nord Wavesynth is an absolutely sexy piece of equipment that I would go absolutely nuts over...and if they have a midi-syncable tempo for the LFOs...hooooooooo, yes, it will be mine. The price is cheap, especially when you can do anything you want with it, AND it comes with a full Mellotron suite.... my babies will know the words Nord, Moog, Mellotron, Wurlitzer, Roland, Logic, Vocoders, Compressors, Sidechain, Limiters, Multipressors, bitcrusher, and reverb, as well as any math that goes along with it before they know Mama and Dada. I think my love for music started in the womb. I know my love for electronics has started this past year (in the analog and hardware sense, that is). And I'm only getting started. I'm leary of my bankroll as new equipment comes out. The Moog Etherwave is probably going to be the first of my technological trapses into the vast world of limitless possibilities. Affordable, sweet silky sound, it's in every track. I'll rewrite an old concept album I did in college called The Robinsons. It's kind of like Rock The Cradle, but with a guy, and he kills the parents to protect the baby because he thinks they're trying to kill it, and he's snapped its neck when they were taking a nap. So it's all limp the entire album, and the last song is very creepy sounding, where no note is solid until the last chorus, and it's a bunch of quarters dinging around on the strings, loosely harmonizing, and a very steady 'kick kick kick boom' percussion track as the cop cars are outside staging an entry. Dark shit. But the bendy sound of the Etherwave would be perfect for it. Also for intros to songs, or accompaniments to several pieces I've composed. num num num. Good to my ears.
After that, the Nord Electro 3 or the Wavesynth.

Something else I've kinda noticed this past week...no matter what walks of life, people tend to overdramaticize a situation that isn't what it seems, or has nothing to do with the actual issue. The event we're playing: it's been orchestrated and designed ground-up by a board for the city. I have attended one of these meetings. My schedule changed, and I have been unable to attend the others, because I'm passed out at 9AM now. I've tried to stay awake. It's like my body has a natural sleep cycle to it that is directly at odds with anything that needs to be done. Anyway. So, I went to the meeting, we agreed to build some spots, it was a very uniquely 'This town' approach, and a very attractive one at that. Fun, individual, genuine, inspired: all the things that make any event really fun, not just some tents and a couple of carnie rides with a funnel cake stand and this feeling of stagnance and boredom in the air. Something really great was and is going with this event. It's why I didn't raise a ruckus when other artists came in to perform by the droves. I ADVERTISED it to other artists. I like this community. Truly and deeply. They treat people like they want to be treated, which is rare when its sincere. I wanted to give something back before I left it. I figure, the more artists, the more diversity, the more universality, the more accessibility, the more entertained, the more retained, the better for everyone. Right? I've gotten a little bit of questioning by well-intending people I know, but it's an issue of community development and support, not personal glory. I was honored and humbled they asked us in the concept stages of the event to perform. It's like, "Hi, here's something you always wanted. Will you take it?" FUCK yeah! Bring everyone! It's gonna be a fucking PARTY. I'll even buy the drinks, right? Community. Friends without knowing them, simply based on the fact that you both live within the same ten miles they do without expectations of conformity. Sweet. Like the nostalgic 'Being An American' simply because we all lived in the same country that upheld its ideals.
Well, this event has recently, as in the last two days, developed a bitter taste to it at the committee level. The neighboring town, has adopted the same name, theme, and presentation as this current town's, based on the fact that the current town's advertising scheme used the neighboring town's businesses and media as an outlet. So they're capitalizing on the branding and name recognition that this event has generated. It may be important to note that the current town...we'll call it Town A...has local vendors set up, and visitors vouched to come from hundreds of miles away. This is not only an area, or community first, but a regional first. a big deal. (and I built their TV ads. :) ) It's not small doings. And now the neighboring town...we'll call it Town B...is taking all that branding and using it as their own. Same name, same everything. They're changing the one word 'Five' and making it a numeral. That's all the difference.
Town A is pissed. And understandably. They just ran all this legwork and got the wind taken out of them via a person who sat on the board to 'help' until this past week, when they say they don't have the time to dedicate to it anymore, because Town B, whom they're on board with, is having an event called the same thing, doing the same things, at the same time, with the same everything...but bigger. Because it's Town B. And they're bigger than Town A. And that's just the way it is.
So, what could have been a genuinely pleasant and awesome thing has now turned into a dog fight over legalities and just mutual fucking respect.
I omitted the names of the town just incase anyone googled them, btw. I still have to work with these people.
Mutual respect.
People will go all stupid with the details, as I'm included in the committee email list (since I attended once, my help was appreciated, so it was decided i was a member...see what I mean about honest and accepting?). They complain about the numeral, the phrasing, positioning, etc, which all has a part in the whole, but the whole is, very plainly, respect. Town B recognized Town A's willingness and openness, and exploited it. Very 80's business move. Very ruthless. Out of principal, I dislike them, now. Not the whole, but that particular board, I dislike. They send in a mole to a community 1/7th it's size because they're afraid they'll do something that inspires commerce?? What dicks. Mutual respect is absent. Town A gives respect just because they're alive. Town B denies respect because Town A isn't as big. Town A is just there to appease and fulfill Town B's needs whenever Town B decides it.
It should be mentioned, also, that there has been a very strong undercurrent of discontent between the two towns for months now...enough of one that there is a division emminent if things continue as they have these past two years. Tensions were raised over a city union contract, they were not quelled by the press getting partial because it's a 'good ol' boy' mentality for those people, swaying the minds of the more innocent, then the local Wal Mart moves from Town B to Town A, which frustrates Town B. Town A hasn't changed it's mentality at all. Town B has developed some petty jealousy. Both chamber of commerces are trying feverishly to strengthen the ties, and I even wanted to make commercials that stressed unity above division and personal stupid bullshit. Now, though, with Town A's response to Town B's action, as it is very high-school drama-ish (i.e. "Did anyone notice that these two people were omitted from the email list? does anyone here find that suspicious?" ) and not even catching the real issue, I'm content to watch them burn. Town B will create division. Town A will respond by boycotting. Town B will respond by instilling the mentality into their kids. Who used to be good friends will be divided by the proverbial tracks...in this case, the river. In the last year, I've seen Town A go from being referenced as the 'Town A' to being referenced as the 'Beggars of the valley'. Town B is earning the title of the elitist. As time progresses, the rift is growing deeper. There are some genuinely sweet people here, and they don't see it coming. There is a growing underground presence, and a growing judgemental mindframe. It saddens me. Maybe it will go away in about 5 to 10 years. It'll take about three years to quell it as far as it is now. Town B should do what Town A is doing, but call it a different name. Period. do something different. It's stupid to do the same thing.
Just like I wanted more bands to play than just us: I recognize stagnance in monotony. I think we're great, yeah, but it's a statistical fact: Not everyone will. Not everybody likes the Beatles. Not everybody likes The Rolling Stones. Not everybody likes classical, or rap, or Heavy metal. But if you have each corner playing a distinctly different sound, then you have that many more people stay at the event. Dont' do the same thing that the other place does. Then you'll just end up sounding like all the other knock-off bands in the 70s and 80s, and still play the same tune twenty years later. Be individual. Be different. A car is, most will agree, an object on four wheels capable of independent velocity controlled by a person in the 'driver seat'. The vehicle is universal. The model and make are what make it appealing to different people. some people want the BMW M5, some people want the Chevy Aveo. They're both cars. One's better to some, the other's better to others. Point is, Don't take a car that's obviously a BMW M5, buy one, take the BMW logo off of it, and put a Mercedes logo on in its place. The engine is still a BMW, the suspension, the frame, the interior...nothing's changed but the logo, and now they say it's worth more because they thought of it. Hah. Fucking idiots. How boring would an antique car show be if the only car that everyone had there was a black 1934 Ford Tudor? Yeah, they look cool, but put 30 black ones in a room...getting kinda dull.

Long rant for nothing. I hate seeing people exploited. I often feel so strongly exploited myself. I guess that's why I leap to the defensive with it. there's nothing wrong with wanting to trust, and being the bigger person for it and acting on what you think is the right thing to do, as opposed to the safe thing to do. It creates a lot of wounds, yeah, but it allows a more peaceful sleep. Not deeper, just more peaceful.

I'm in a political mood, I guess. I google NIN for ticket tours, and find that they're in some heat with Apple about an approval process for an app update that contains 'offensive material'. Which is funny, because #1: it's a code update, not an interface update. The app's been approved with content as is, and has no content discrepancy in its original form. It's when they try to make it not-buggy and have a code modification it's refused as having objectionable content. And #2: it's music that they're objecting to. he compares them to Wal Mart, which, of itself, turns me on, because I hate WalMart's holier than thou mentality. Oh, we don't like having uncensored music in our store, we're not selling it. So everything you get there has the fucking shit cut out of it, or they don't sell it. Ha. Like kids give a shit. All they hear is the 'szchwip' of the word or the silence in the track...they know what's going on. Trust me: in your absence, you parents, they make up much worse stuff than is actually said. Kids aren't dumb. Parents are.
I don't agree with censorship. I was brought up in two very distinct and contradicting ways. One way was very liberal, balls to the wall, don't give a fuck and say what you want way. The other was very conservative. Both were from one day to the next very different. One day it was conservative. The next day it was liberal. The following day Liberal will get you into trouble. Confusion runs rampant. A sense of disconnectedness and lack of place or worth seriously infects you. It wasn't ok yesterday, it's encouraged today, and it's not ok again.... They tell me I'm selfish and stupid for not understanding what they're saying...ok, so there must be something wrong with me. i'm not getting this at all. They must be right. So, as for double standards, I am a walking talking schizophrenic, but I hate people who have the same trait. Enter WalMart.
We don't sell cds with cursewords int hem because they promote sex and violence. But we'll sell you the guns and the condoms and lube. We'll even sell the bullets.
And his example, which I am very fond of:
We don't like profanity. We won't condone it.
But here's Scarface for 9.99 right behind you. Just around the bend is the boxset of GTA 1&2 with expansions for 19.99. Oh, and the Godfather Blu-ray is here for 79.99. And American Psycho. And blah blah. You get it.
But no profane music. Oh, no.
Stupid fucking parents.
And these 'morals' and 'ethics' which are very subjective to begin with, are then placed upon the masses because certain excentric minorities of those that ascribe to the faiths or practices some associate themselves with being a part of the group of will scream and kick their feet and whine and bitch and moan about a freedom of choice, that should not be allowd to be chosen. So. Music answered it. They sacrifice the art they've created to be more marketable. That's on the musicians that did that. I dont' feel sorry for them. My albums won't ever hit WalMart, if there's any profanity in them or not. I dont' agree with their principals.
Apple has iTunes, which has all the NIN albums on it. Starfuckers Inc EP being one, to mention. So the objectionable content being a song that is streamed for free that contains one word one time in it is pretty fucking ludicrous...especially since it was approved. And the app, incidentally, specifically targets people wanting to attend their concert, and connect with other iPhone users who want to connect to those at the concerts who either weren't able to go, or are curious how it's going. Obvious NIN fans. They've heard the shit before. They know that some of the songs have profanity in them. Boo, Apple. The issue here is their duplicity. I agree with that. Genuinely. I would post this on HIS blog, not just mine, but I can't without being overshadowed by another issue. The 'fans'. Not the real ones, but the 'fairweather' self-pitying fans.
What upsets me from the fans is that they make this huge deal out of everything Trent says based on a couple of sentences, and completely derail the whole issue in a whirlwind of chaotic partisanship on something they don't even take the time to understand. They see a word 'left' and they scream 'RIGHT!' and never give thought to why they're screaming it. No wonder he wants to take a break for a very long time. I wouldn't blame him if he took a break forever. I would love my fans for their support, but christ, I'd have to wonder at my creation as it has attracted such idiots. Some people listen to the music because it's good music. Some because it's good lyrics. Some for both. And some because everyone else does. And the last of the four are the ones that I like the least. Useless parrots of someone else's mind. The kinds of people you can talk into doing anything because all they say is 'yeah, i know, right?'
A lot of his music early on was very introspective and self-absorbed. Fair enough. Mine was too. Still is. All art is. It's the ARTISTS PERSPECTIVE that they convey, not someone else's. The world through THEIr eyes, THEIR ears, THEIR words. The expression can be universally accessible via several key topics, phrases, progressions, etc. How many times have you heard Pacha Bell's Cannon redone? Too many times to count. CFG has its place. The church banned augmented fourths as it was the 'Devils Progression'. OK. Cool. There is a mentality, that I find very disturbing, that feeds off this, and assimilates it into their own. It is the hardcore, do anything fans, I've noticed, that i've grown a distaste for for any celebrity / musician / artist. They're the ones that make it their live's ambition to absorb every inflection, to experience every emotion, that make some grandios thing out of something that is simple and pure. John Lennon was a visionary? Yes. A tragedy? Yes. Great music? Most of it. Are you him? Do you share all his ideals? Did you do what he did? Then why make it seem like he's the Dhali Lama? Why defend him? He was a man. Straight and simple. he spoke to many, yes, but he was still a man.
Oh, and Marilyn Manson. And The Doors. And The Rolling Stones. And David Bowie, in his younger days...you're not them. Stop pretending you're vindicated to share all their views and opinions simply because you've listened to all their records. It's like swearing you are exactly like Rush because you've listened to Moving Pictures, and understand their hurt and joy and journey through life. Or you're 100% sympatico with Heart because you know the words to Barracuda. Or The Cure because you've listened to Pornography, Disintegration, and Bloodflowers fifty times. Or Britney Spears because you hear her sing about this or that. They're here, they say what they think, or what they think will sell, and that's IT. No speaking to YOU, unless they dedicate a song to you. You can identify it, yeah, but it's not YOURS. And neither are the artists. They're working a hard job, leave them alone. OK? Unless they're in front of the paparazzi. Then let them have it. ;)

done ranting, comiserating, enjoying...I guess I'm just a negative guy, and a sucker for a cause. One day I'll get over it, maybe. I'll quit bitching eventually. I'll run out of things to bitch about.

On the upshot, I got a really good idea for a song just now. :)